The Process of Grieving
Today I am reminded of the fragility of life and how important it is for each person to be able to grieve in their own way. My grandfather passed away this morning. Losing a loved one is hard but each loved one is grieved differently depending on the emotional connection to them. I grieve different than my mother or aunt, and will grieve differently than my brothers. All of us will grieve differently than my grandmother. It is important that we acknowledge this and allow each person to have their time and process the death in their own way.
For instance, my grandmother has already figured out how to get rid of all his belongings. This is something my mother and I do not understand since he passed away less than 5 hours from our conversation with her. I don't know if she is trying to eliminate the items because she can not process the passing of a man she had been married to for 58 years, or she has already grieved and is trying to move on since he had been deteriorating for a few months now. My grandfather had B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Towards the end he had a stroke that made him forget his home, his dog, and even his wife. I think there is a small amount of hurt within my grandmother as she had been taking care of him and now in the last few weeks of his life, he didn't recognize her face.
I could not imagine how hard that would be. My husband and I have been together for 13 years. If he did not know who I was, I may feel hurt too. I would feel like my last moments that are supposed to be so precious and fleeting were taken from me in a cruel way. But that is a chance I am willing to take as I will be in my marriage until death do us part.
I think it is important for each of us to understand whether we are the long griever that needs months to be able to try and function, or the internal griever that seems to have moments of grieve when something triggers a memory. Some of us are the grievers that need to be surrounded by loved ones and reminisce and still others are the ones that need to have the alone quiet time to reflect on the passing. There are some people that seem extra needy of attention, while others are able to continue on with little to no support. This seems to fall back to the understanding of that emotional connection to the person as well as our own internal acceptance of death. You can be very emotionally invested in someone without being related and yet have a complete different response to the death of a family member. Just being able to accept that you can not control how you grieve and not feeling apologetic to anyone that feels you should just "move on" or "get over it" is the first step toward healing.
Always remember to look to your loved ones and enjoy all the time you have. Take a moment to breathe and realize that you need to take time for you. I know that I will.
Live, Love, June.
Carson
For instance, my grandmother has already figured out how to get rid of all his belongings. This is something my mother and I do not understand since he passed away less than 5 hours from our conversation with her. I don't know if she is trying to eliminate the items because she can not process the passing of a man she had been married to for 58 years, or she has already grieved and is trying to move on since he had been deteriorating for a few months now. My grandfather had B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Towards the end he had a stroke that made him forget his home, his dog, and even his wife. I think there is a small amount of hurt within my grandmother as she had been taking care of him and now in the last few weeks of his life, he didn't recognize her face.
I could not imagine how hard that would be. My husband and I have been together for 13 years. If he did not know who I was, I may feel hurt too. I would feel like my last moments that are supposed to be so precious and fleeting were taken from me in a cruel way. But that is a chance I am willing to take as I will be in my marriage until death do us part.
I think it is important for each of us to understand whether we are the long griever that needs months to be able to try and function, or the internal griever that seems to have moments of grieve when something triggers a memory. Some of us are the grievers that need to be surrounded by loved ones and reminisce and still others are the ones that need to have the alone quiet time to reflect on the passing. There are some people that seem extra needy of attention, while others are able to continue on with little to no support. This seems to fall back to the understanding of that emotional connection to the person as well as our own internal acceptance of death. You can be very emotionally invested in someone without being related and yet have a complete different response to the death of a family member. Just being able to accept that you can not control how you grieve and not feeling apologetic to anyone that feels you should just "move on" or "get over it" is the first step toward healing.
Always remember to look to your loved ones and enjoy all the time you have. Take a moment to breathe and realize that you need to take time for you. I know that I will.
Live, Love, June.
Carson
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